Episode 6 - How To Make Friends & Alienate People

Hello blog land (Georgia I know you're the only person who reads these). I warn you now I'm in a wordy mood.

You know those nights when for some unfathomable reason you just can't seem to get to sleep? You must do. it usually starts with an attempt to drift off with no distractions. You might then re-adjust your position betwixt sheet and duvet. I usually favour the on the back with right or left leg bent at a 90 degree angle. Or occasionally when I fancy a change of scenery I might do that clever manoeuvre we all attempt and rotate my body along the vertical axis of 180 degrees. In other words go from lying on my back to lying on my front. Sometimes placing an arm between the pillows. This position however comfy and satisfying it may be upon first adoption can very soon exacerbate matters. Us blokes will find that very soon the little fella in your boxers will soon start to complain of crushing, usually by itching or by some other form of minor irritation. Oh! Remember the arm so cunningly placed between pillows, as if to sandwich it from the horrible world beyond the bed sheets, it starts to go numb.

Anyway as you can probably deduce from the above I am in a state of none sleep. A state of supposed "Over Tired".

Like all people in this afore mentioned state I find myself thinking, reflecting, contemplating if you will. Yes... Contemplating. What ever it is that a man of my infinite (non-existent) wisdom contemplates. The main subject of my pre-sleep contemplation is also often the subject of my unconscious musings (dreams). This subject (pictured above) is as far as I am aware the only person who, for whatever reason, reads these mind spews and for whatever reason I use these incoherent typings to communicate to her my true and innermost introspections.

Now not meaning to sound like a big headed misogynist, but I have dated a few girls in my time. However none of these girls have induced the same feelings as Georgia. She is the most beautiful girl I have never kissed. I'd be lying to you if I said that the one thing I couldn't give a monkey's left nut about was making her the most beautiful girl I have ever kissed. I can think of nothing more wonderfully life changing than that one moment of fleeting empty headedness that would come with that one kiss. I'm not talking an eat your face off snog. That's not what I'm about at all. I am talking about that moment where you are both focused entirely on each other and, for a brief second when your lips touch, it's like the rest of the world disappears and you are both floating amongst the stars in space.

Again I digress. The point I am trying, rather poorly I might add, to make is that I have never just wanted that moment with any other girl. I confirmed this new and indescribable feeling whilst on Skype (oh Skype how I adore thee). Something happened at her end of the call that made her smile. I can't remember what it was and frankly I didn't much care as when she smiled everything else that I was doing, thinking or saying melted away into non-existence. For that brief moment I became completely centred on her. Nothing else mattered. It's amazing how a person can do that with something as simple as a genuine smile.

That moment is one that will live with me forever. At least I hope it does.

Tonight is a clear night. You can see the stars, all of them, and the moon... The moon is something else. It's wonderful silver glow bathes the ground with a shine that makes all it falls upon look metallic. Tonight I would love nothing more than to be lying in the field that I spoke about in Episode 1. Wrapped up in numerous sleeping bags and duvets. Lying next to the person who puts all the beauty of her surroundings to shame. Just holding her. Feeling the gentle warmth that radiates off her soft delicate skin. In my thoughts I just gaze endlessly into her eyes. Eyes that you can just loose yourself in. Eyes that, when looking back into yours, make you feel terrified and excited both at the same time. Eyes that, when looking back into yours, make you realise what kind of a person you are. Then I gently run my fingers through her silky soft hair, brushing it off her face. Leaning forward we would both close our eyes and then plant that gentle, wonderful kiss on each others lips. That's all. No snog. No fumble in the dark. Just that one perfect moment led by that one perfect kiss.

I hope when you read this Georgia that you realise that I am prepared to wait my entire life for that moment. If I have to I will. I also want to make it clear to you that I could spend my life with Zooey Deschanel and it would not equate to a tenth of a second spent lying in that field with you. I want you to know that that day at Nene Valley Railway, pretending times were better and that there was a war on, was the happiest and best day of my life to date.

Georgia with out you I would not be up at three in the morning writing this blog. For that I thank you. You who has made me realise that life is actually pretty fucking awesome. I hope upon reading this musing, of a guy who really has no idea what to make of how he feels about you, you may consider that moment.

That perfect moment led... by that perfect kiss.

Love

Matt

xXx

Episode 4 - Love Actually

What are we? Seriously. Think about for a minute or two. Exactly! I haven't a clue either. We are, as a whole, a complete and utter anomaly. There are some people who believe that we were created by a greater being ie. God. I however do not buy into this idea of a greater power or devine intervention. I believe in physics, in evolution. The only thing about us that I cannot begin to fathom is love. Love actually (see what I did there) is one of the most confusing feelings, if you can call it a feeling. No other feeling in existence can make you happy, sad, hurt, angry, laugh, cry or anything else you care to throw into the mix.

A person once said that the phrase "All is fair in love and war" is complete hogwash. Love and war are two very different things. One involves a lot of physical and psychological pain and the other is war.

Now as human beings we have created this ideal of what love is. The theory of the one. That some where out there is someone with whom we are destined to spend the rest of our lives with. I however believe that true love is being able to brush your teeth in the same room as your partner having a poo.

Episode 3 - The Scent of a Woman

Hello Blog Land

First let us together take a trip back in time. Close your eyes and read on... Erm... No actually ignore the first bit of that and just read on... Oi!!! Right now I have your full and un-divided attention I can continue.

Remember a time when things were better. When music was smooth and you could understand the words. A time when men were gentlemen not idiots and when women dressed in beautiful dresses. Yes the 1940's. Now I am aware that for nearly half of the 40's we were at war, but it's not like that mattered. We pulled together with that British stiff upper lippedness you just don't get any more.

Well I found out through one of my all time favorite sources that Nene Valley Railway in Peterborough were remembering this fabulous time by hosting a 1940s weekend. So me and a person of the female genre decided to go. We got ourselves dressed up and off we went.

Now I already believe without any doubt that the girl pictured above is the most beautiful thing that I have ever set eyes on. However you then put this stunning example of the female genre into a 1940s surrounding and what you have is the definition of beauty. The day went on and our cameras snapped furiously at the sights they beheld and eventually we found ourselves sat on a bench by the platform freezing gently in the cold drizzle. Everyone else had gone or was packing up to go, our 1940s experience had come to an end. Well this was what she thought. Confident that the day was not going to end with us both sat in weather I stood up.

"Don't go anywhere." I told her, then nipped over to the other side of the railway track and plucked a beautiful pink flower off it's stalk. I ran back over and delicatly placed the flower in her hair. No someone at work asked me after this story if I loved this girl. I was stunned by the question and as such stumble and replied.

"I... I don't know"

"How can you not know?" They asked. I stared blank into space, thinking, pondering and procrastinating. I paused for what seemed like an eternity, closed my eyes and took a moment. I then explained.

"Because my head is filled with questions and I can assure you no answer to any one of them has ever brought me one iota of happiness. Except for one. The one. The only question I've ever wanted an answer to - is she the one? The answer bloody well isn't maybe or could be, it's yes. Undoubtedly, unequivocally, unabashedly yes. And for one week, one week in my sad little blip of an existence, it made me happy."

Episode 2 - The Phantom Menace

So here it is. The difficult second album. Yes it's just a picture but I was tired and couldn't be bothered to write anything.

Episode One - Close Encounters of the Third Kind

Hello one and all and welcome to the first in a series of blogs about the trials and tribulations of a Geek. I am, it has to be said, a Geek. I can't remember a time when I would have called myself cool. I've come to accept this now. This blog will provide a glimpse into the life of a Geek who really wants nothing more than to find a girl to play games and watch movies with.

So as I have already arrived at the subject of girls let's now tackle it head on. Now as a Geek meeting girls is never easy. There are a few options for normal people, but us Geeks are limited and I'll tell you why.

Meeting Place 1 - The Night Club

Now when normal people want to go out and have a dance, get drunk and maybe even score with the opposite sex they can visit a magical place known as a "Night Club". To a Geek however these places are a breeding ground for everything about this world we hate. I will start with the music. Oh the music if you can call it that. Usually played by DJs with stupid names like "Dubzstar" or "Mixster Mongoloid Porn Inferno" the music is loud, repetitive and above all crap. Next we have the booze. Now Geeks aren't massive drinkers, but every now and again we enjoy a pleasant tipple. However at a night club this becomes ludicrously expensive. Your average drink, say a Jack Daniels and Coke, will set you back nearly £4. Finally the biggest ball ache of the lot trying to talk to girls. Now for a Geek this is hard enough as it is but in a night club, well let me tell you in the style of a great novel.

He made his way to the neon lit bar eyeing up the various optics on offer. It was then he say her. Her hair flowing toward her shoulders. She was clearly bored, iPhone in hand she was clearly a Geek at a loose end. He leaned in closer to her.

"How's it going?" he inquired.

"What!" she bellowed trying to top the music.

"I said how is it going!"

"WHAT!"

You can see my point. Trying to have a constructive conversation in a night club is like putting a condom machine in the Vatican. Time consuming and ultimately pointless. So night clubs are out of the question.

Meeting Place 2 - The Pub

Yes a public space where members of the general populous gather to attain varying degrees of consciousness through the consumption of fermented vegetable drinks. Usually I would have no problems with "pubs" however think about this from my perspective. Most people are in pubs to talk loudly, watch football, drink in excess, cause fights or all of the above. Therefore pubs are instantly out of the equation for anyone of the Geek persuasion. A Geek runs the risk of feeling intimidated by his fellow man and googling the following "How to speak like someone who understands sport." This will open up a whole world of hurt as by doing this a Geek could then be dragged into a conversation with real sports fan. Next thing you know you're being forced to drink your own body weight in drinks you've never even heard of let alone contemplate drinking. You could then wake up outside a comic book store wallet stolen and worst of all someone may have changed the time on your watch making you believe it's an hour before it actually is thus making you an hour late for everything. I know it's a horrible thought, but please take a few deep breaths and remember how easy it is to avoid such occurrences. Just don't go to the pub. Avoid it. It's not worth running the risk. What if you go on Karaoke or Pup Quiz night. You'll be expected to muck in like any other punter. On a side note however, Pup Quizes are a good way for Geeks to make a fast buck. I mean lets face the average pub goer isn't going to know how to formulate a quadratic equation or who wrote The Nutcracker Suite. Come on think about it. How else are you going to by all those comics and Sci Fi films on Blu-ray.

Basically if you're a Geek the only way it's possible for you to meet a fellow like minded Geek is online or at a Comicon style convention and both of those are fecking scary. Lucky for me I met a wonderful Geek at the theatre where I work so boom in your faces mother truckers.