Episode 2 - The Phantom Menace

So here it is. The difficult second album. Yes it's just a picture but I was tired and couldn't be bothered to write anything.

Episode One - Close Encounters of the Third Kind

Hello one and all and welcome to the first in a series of blogs about the trials and tribulations of a Geek. I am, it has to be said, a Geek. I can't remember a time when I would have called myself cool. I've come to accept this now. This blog will provide a glimpse into the life of a Geek who really wants nothing more than to find a girl to play games and watch movies with.

So as I have already arrived at the subject of girls let's now tackle it head on. Now as a Geek meeting girls is never easy. There are a few options for normal people, but us Geeks are limited and I'll tell you why.

Meeting Place 1 - The Night Club

Now when normal people want to go out and have a dance, get drunk and maybe even score with the opposite sex they can visit a magical place known as a "Night Club". To a Geek however these places are a breeding ground for everything about this world we hate. I will start with the music. Oh the music if you can call it that. Usually played by DJs with stupid names like "Dubzstar" or "Mixster Mongoloid Porn Inferno" the music is loud, repetitive and above all crap. Next we have the booze. Now Geeks aren't massive drinkers, but every now and again we enjoy a pleasant tipple. However at a night club this becomes ludicrously expensive. Your average drink, say a Jack Daniels and Coke, will set you back nearly £4. Finally the biggest ball ache of the lot trying to talk to girls. Now for a Geek this is hard enough as it is but in a night club, well let me tell you in the style of a great novel.

He made his way to the neon lit bar eyeing up the various optics on offer. It was then he say her. Her hair flowing toward her shoulders. She was clearly bored, iPhone in hand she was clearly a Geek at a loose end. He leaned in closer to her.

"How's it going?" he inquired.

"What!" she bellowed trying to top the music.

"I said how is it going!"

"WHAT!"

You can see my point. Trying to have a constructive conversation in a night club is like putting a condom machine in the Vatican. Time consuming and ultimately pointless. So night clubs are out of the question.

Meeting Place 2 - The Pub

Yes a public space where members of the general populous gather to attain varying degrees of consciousness through the consumption of fermented vegetable drinks. Usually I would have no problems with "pubs" however think about this from my perspective. Most people are in pubs to talk loudly, watch football, drink in excess, cause fights or all of the above. Therefore pubs are instantly out of the equation for anyone of the Geek persuasion. A Geek runs the risk of feeling intimidated by his fellow man and googling the following "How to speak like someone who understands sport." This will open up a whole world of hurt as by doing this a Geek could then be dragged into a conversation with real sports fan. Next thing you know you're being forced to drink your own body weight in drinks you've never even heard of let alone contemplate drinking. You could then wake up outside a comic book store wallet stolen and worst of all someone may have changed the time on your watch making you believe it's an hour before it actually is thus making you an hour late for everything. I know it's a horrible thought, but please take a few deep breaths and remember how easy it is to avoid such occurrences. Just don't go to the pub. Avoid it. It's not worth running the risk. What if you go on Karaoke or Pup Quiz night. You'll be expected to muck in like any other punter. On a side note however, Pup Quizes are a good way for Geeks to make a fast buck. I mean lets face the average pub goer isn't going to know how to formulate a quadratic equation or who wrote The Nutcracker Suite. Come on think about it. How else are you going to by all those comics and Sci Fi films on Blu-ray.

Basically if you're a Geek the only way it's possible for you to meet a fellow like minded Geek is online or at a Comicon style convention and both of those are fecking scary. Lucky for me I met a wonderful Geek at the theatre where I work so boom in your faces mother truckers.